The Friend Who Would Never Help You Move

"There's my version, there's his version, and then somewhere in between the two is the real version"

So I had this friend Kirk.  

I say "had" not in the sense that there was some argument, or falling out. The friendship kinda dissipated , continues to dissipate.  It's weird. There's never been a discussion per say, about the dissolution of our friendship (although I've certainly made it known I'm available to discuss).  He just stopped responding back to texts/ voice mails, etc. Total. Radio. Silence.   

It's a funny thing, when one friend thinks that you have changed, or the dynamic of the friendship has changed, or that they themselves have changed. Which, I assume Kirk feels one of these ways. He never was  big on expressing  his emotions outright...so he never told me.

I'm a "Let's put the feelings on the table, this is what it's all about" kinda person. Sadly, much like an ending to a series that was cancelled too soon, I've been left hanging. I mean, I "get it", we're not friends anymore... his lack of communication or interest in communication show that. That's fine... but why? And why view the chasm/disagreement/disaffection whatever w/ such unease that you can't discuss/dissect?  Why are we constantly living in world where we have to infer things? Fucking tell me.

I mean I think there are a few reasons (let me say that he was also the best man at my wedding, and we hung out most every weekend for quite some time), let me guess what they might be:

1. I got married: Kirk was always serially monogamous, or serially chasing pussy that led to his serial monogamous relationships. Perhaps my commitment to settling down made him uneasy, or he found it distasteful?
2.  Vicki and I had a son named Sam: Sam was born severely developmentally disabled. He was not supposed to survive birth, but he did. He passed away in The Neonatal Unit after about 3 weeks. While he did go to the funeral, maybe he has an issue w/ sickness/death? Actually, my Dad had the same uneasiness. Again, I'm only thinking out loud here.
3.  Vicki and I moved to the suburbs of NYC: Whether it was the symbolism of "suburbia", or whatever, perhaps that made him cross me off the friends list.  All I know is that I could have hung out the same way, I would have just needed a bit more notice. Perhaps that was something.
4. We changed or stopped being interesting or fun: Maybe it was the move to Madison from Jersey City, perhaps it was the healthy kid being born... but he thought we changed? I dunno... Quite honestly, the same pervasive  sense of black humor runs rampant thru the house to this day still.... so I dunno
5. Our Son,Tobin was born: Kirk has always been a "I don't like kids" kind of guy. That's fine. However, I always thought that an exception would be made with my kid.  Not that Kirk would take him to museums and whatnot... but  because of the friendship he had w/ Vicki and I... that Tobin would be viewed w/ a little warmth... and perhaps some affection..sadly, after seeing Tobin at his welcome home party from the hospital after being born, he never saw my kid again.
6.  We then moved to Florida:  I realize that to your stereotypical hip resident of one of the Boroughs of NYC, moving to the South is a completely silly, and ignorant thing to do.  However, it is something V, T and I did. We did it after many family discussions. We did it for many reasons, which I'll describe in the next few bullets.

• Vicki and I were tired of snow. We both hate the hibernating aspects of Winter, and the darkness that happens during that season. We thought more sunshine would equal happiness, and it does. We love living 20 minutes from the beach. We enjoy being the Lefty Jewish Radicals on the block.
• My Dad was getting old. He was starting to slip up a bit.
• Cheaper cost of living. Who doesn't want to make as much money, but to be able to afford a nicer place to live?

 Whatever the reasons are, I never heard what they were, so I'm on the outside w/ no idea.  I harbor no hatred towards him, I know that. I harbor "whatever" towards him...

It's the passive aggressiveness that I find very sad. 

1. First it was the app on his phone that blocked the pictures of anyone who posted pictures of their kids on FB. It really was an amateurish, AA League, Bullshit thing to proudly state on Facebook. It was just a real dick move. 
2. I heard NOTHING from him when my Dad died. Kirk may remember it differently... but that's how I remember it.. it was a particularly trying time in my life.. things were very dark. An email or a call from an old friend with some words of solidarity would have helped. Bupkes. Nothing from him.  So fuck him for that one.
3. The continuous radio silence. I don't know how "hey how's the family and what are you up to" schtick could be so difficult or ugly. Doesn't make sense to me.

Maybe it's the idea that I moved down here for reasons other than whatever primal emotions that we feel within for strictly ourselves that bothered him?  I mean, he has parents.  Like anyone's parents, I believe they are aging. Have his parents planned ahead for that day when they can't live alone or need help? Do they realize the emotional limitations of their son(s)? I'm just putting it out there.

Kirk always said he was the friend who would never help you move. He prided himself on it. It's a great line.  I'm not sure if he has packed any moving boxes or not recently.  He certainly is the guy who won't ever address why he feels that our friendship has ended, that's for sure.

I mean I'm certainly not going to "unfriend" him on Facebook. That's the ultimate cliche of my generation. Why would I do that?  It's silly.  In a way, this blog is my sort of spiritual unfriending. This is my release, emotionally regarding this drama.

Some things just are, I guess. Y'know?  

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