BOXING

Just saw Mr. Dan Rafael do a post about the 20th Anniversary of the Arturo Gatti/Wilson Rodriguez fight. I remember it like it was yesterday.

Along with the Kennedy McKinney/Marco Antonio Barrera fight, I feel in love w/ boxing watching this fight that night.

I'll have to do a longer posting about boxing and the love I shared of it w/ my Dad ... and how it brought us together when many other things pushed us  apart. However, for now, I just wanted to post this picture.

For anyone that doesn't see that Boxing/MMA etc. are true art forms, think again. YouTube this fantastic, Shakespearean Battle, and be amazed.

In my #boxing collection is the site poster from Gatti-Rodrguez, the epic fight that took place 20 years ago today: pic.twitter.com/8RaGHQc7bM

— Dan Rafael (@danrafaelespn) March 23, 2016

The Friend Who Would Never Help You Move

"There's my version, there's his version, and then somewhere in between the two is the real version"

So I had this friend Kirk.  

I say "had" not in the sense that there was some argument, or falling out. The friendship kinda dissipated , continues to dissipate.  It's weird. There's never been a discussion per say, about the dissolution of our friendship (although I've certainly made it known I'm available to discuss).  He just stopped responding back to texts/ voice mails, etc. Total. Radio. Silence.   

It's a funny thing, when one friend thinks that you have changed, or the dynamic of the friendship has changed, or that they themselves have changed. Which, I assume Kirk feels one of these ways. He never was  big on expressing  his emotions outright...so he never told me.

I'm a "Let's put the feelings on the table, this is what it's all about" kinda person. Sadly, much like an ending to a series that was cancelled too soon, I've been left hanging. I mean, I "get it", we're not friends anymore... his lack of communication or interest in communication show that. That's fine... but why? And why view the chasm/disagreement/disaffection whatever w/ such unease that you can't discuss/dissect?  Why are we constantly living in world where we have to infer things? Fucking tell me.

I mean I think there are a few reasons (let me say that he was also the best man at my wedding, and we hung out most every weekend for quite some time), let me guess what they might be:

1. I got married: Kirk was always serially monogamous, or serially chasing pussy that led to his serial monogamous relationships. Perhaps my commitment to settling down made him uneasy, or he found it distasteful?
2.  Vicki and I had a son named Sam: Sam was born severely developmentally disabled. He was not supposed to survive birth, but he did. He passed away in The Neonatal Unit after about 3 weeks. While he did go to the funeral, maybe he has an issue w/ sickness/death? Actually, my Dad had the same uneasiness. Again, I'm only thinking out loud here.
3.  Vicki and I moved to the suburbs of NYC: Whether it was the symbolism of "suburbia", or whatever, perhaps that made him cross me off the friends list.  All I know is that I could have hung out the same way, I would have just needed a bit more notice. Perhaps that was something.
4. We changed or stopped being interesting or fun: Maybe it was the move to Madison from Jersey City, perhaps it was the healthy kid being born... but he thought we changed? I dunno... Quite honestly, the same pervasive  sense of black humor runs rampant thru the house to this day still.... so I dunno
5. Our Son,Tobin was born: Kirk has always been a "I don't like kids" kind of guy. That's fine. However, I always thought that an exception would be made with my kid.  Not that Kirk would take him to museums and whatnot... but  because of the friendship he had w/ Vicki and I... that Tobin would be viewed w/ a little warmth... and perhaps some affection..sadly, after seeing Tobin at his welcome home party from the hospital after being born, he never saw my kid again.
6.  We then moved to Florida:  I realize that to your stereotypical hip resident of one of the Boroughs of NYC, moving to the South is a completely silly, and ignorant thing to do.  However, it is something V, T and I did. We did it after many family discussions. We did it for many reasons, which I'll describe in the next few bullets.

• Vicki and I were tired of snow. We both hate the hibernating aspects of Winter, and the darkness that happens during that season. We thought more sunshine would equal happiness, and it does. We love living 20 minutes from the beach. We enjoy being the Lefty Jewish Radicals on the block.
• My Dad was getting old. He was starting to slip up a bit.
• Cheaper cost of living. Who doesn't want to make as much money, but to be able to afford a nicer place to live?

 Whatever the reasons are, I never heard what they were, so I'm on the outside w/ no idea.  I harbor no hatred towards him, I know that. I harbor "whatever" towards him...

It's the passive aggressiveness that I find very sad. 

1. First it was the app on his phone that blocked the pictures of anyone who posted pictures of their kids on FB. It really was an amateurish, AA League, Bullshit thing to proudly state on Facebook. It was just a real dick move. 
2. I heard NOTHING from him when my Dad died. Kirk may remember it differently... but that's how I remember it.. it was a particularly trying time in my life.. things were very dark. An email or a call from an old friend with some words of solidarity would have helped. Bupkes. Nothing from him.  So fuck him for that one.
3. The continuous radio silence. I don't know how "hey how's the family and what are you up to" schtick could be so difficult or ugly. Doesn't make sense to me.

Maybe it's the idea that I moved down here for reasons other than whatever primal emotions that we feel within for strictly ourselves that bothered him?  I mean, he has parents.  Like anyone's parents, I believe they are aging. Have his parents planned ahead for that day when they can't live alone or need help? Do they realize the emotional limitations of their son(s)? I'm just putting it out there.

Kirk always said he was the friend who would never help you move. He prided himself on it. It's a great line.  I'm not sure if he has packed any moving boxes or not recently.  He certainly is the guy who won't ever address why he feels that our friendship has ended, that's for sure.

I mean I'm certainly not going to "unfriend" him on Facebook. That's the ultimate cliche of my generation. Why would I do that?  It's silly.  In a way, this blog is my sort of spiritual unfriending. This is my release, emotionally regarding this drama.

Some things just are, I guess. Y'know?  

The One Guy Talking Podcast - Comic!! Jonas Barnes is the guest!!

Stockton and the 209

I know that I always say I'm gonna blog more... but I get tired.... and I come home from work, and by that time, my hands hurt and I come home and I see Vicki and Tobin, and I like, wanna hug my kid, and kiss my awesome wife, and feel that life has some redeeming, winning qualities as I try to navigate my way thru dark thoughts that I always have. So I apologize. I always have groovy, artistic intentions, it is just finding the time to exert energy for those groovy artistic hobbies while dealing w/ typical depression and anxiety and normal life stuff that is tough! I will try harder!!

Caught the awesome Connor McGregor vs. Nate Diaz fight Saturday. Amazing heart shown by Nate, to come back from being bloodied up in round one, to put Connor to sleep in round 2 (well, he didn't go to sleep, he tapped) w/ a rear naked choke

As far as pure athletes w/heart are concerned... No guys are tougher than Nick and Nate Diaz... Which further proves my feelings that boxing and MMA are art forms... sames as ballet, theatre, etc. The passion and emotion that these guys leave in the cage(even though they kvetch too much) is intense. Of course, The UFC, was trying to build Connor McGregor into their Floyd Mayweather. And he sure can promote a fight!! I usually don't buy into the hype.. .but i sure did here. I'm sure Dana White is sad that the poster boy who moved up 2 weight classes lost like a  wuss... but that's the fight biz!

When I came home and told Tobin about it, he sussed the events and ramifications  concisely like only a hip 7 year old can: "Well Dad, I guess the guy who was supposed to be the man, wasn't really the man after all!".. "Boom". I love that kid.

So, props to Vicki for letting me go watch it, Props to Nate Diaz for representing Stockton and the 209, and mega props to my awesome son for summing up in 1 sentence what MMA sports journalists have been writing huge articles about!

Had a decent week. Keeping my head above water. Looking for an internship thingy... we will see how that goes. Trying not to get too stressed or emotional. Living in the moment, and working on some cognitive techniques to change the way I look at things so the dark blanket of thoughts I have doesn't cover me.. .It's workin!

The Wedding Present - I'm Not Always So Stupid

I have not heard this song in 25 years!! THANK YOU NICHOLAS!!