Been A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG TIME or "The Number of The Beast"

gonna share my Iron Maiden Story that I've written.... again this is FICTION, it did not happen to me when I was 16.. it is FICTION

ok, onto Iron Maiden..

 

So I was ridiculously young, like 14 or 15. And my neighbor across the parking lot, (let's just say his name was Paul Smarry, Jr.)was like "Hey Eth (I always felt that it was awkward being called Eth), I'm going to Jennifer Killowatz' party' (there literally were like 20 girls named Jennifer, who were cunts, who hung out together and ruled the school. No bullshit)Party tonight, Jorge (or "George" as Paul called him is gonna be there... I'm gonna score an 8 ball... Colin (Boding) and Jeff (Perkasie) are gonna come over my house the next day, you wanna come over?"

 

I was like hmmmm either watch WWF Superstars w/ my crazy Jewish nebbish parents there, or walk across the parking lot to snort coke at Pauls house? hmmmmmmm

 

Paul won out.

 

so I'm there.... and I HATED Colin and Jeff... they were mean and stupid... where as Paul was a good guy..  he has the baggie (does the drug business alone keep the plastic baggie industry rocking? Has to be) out.. he's like "Eth, look at this coke, HUH? HUH??!"

 

He grabs "Number of the Beast" by Iron Maiden... now at the time, I was a punk rock, alterna kid,.. and hated metal.... I have since grown up to LOVE metal and have since seen, and really dug seeing Iron Maiden in concert.... and he puts the album on his turntable... and he is blasting it... and he begins to cut up multiple, fat lines....

 

He's like "Eth gets the first 2 lines"...... So I do 'em...  using a straw I think.... Instant sinusy bitter explosion in nose/brain/etc.   I prob do one more line (so 3 lines, mind you never done it b4) and I stumble out across the parking lot, back home

 

Now, my parents were (now deceased) great, loving parents.. but also neurotic, manipulating overbearing Jewish parents... I was an only child... if you've seen a Woody Allen movie.. modernize it a bit... and move it across the Hudson to NJ, and that was my childhood growing up  in NJ.... a lot of love, a lot of vacations... but a lot of emotional blackmail.

 

so, I come into my house.. Dad is reading the Newark Star Ledger.... Mom is probably smoking Kool Milds in the bathroom.... she comes out and she's like :

 

"Ethan, the Summer is almost over (not true).  You need school clothes. I'm taking you right now to The Woodbridge Mall"

 

I had just done 3 lines of Coke. Off an Iron Maiden album cover.

 

My fucking Mom is taking me to The Woodbridge Mall to the motherfucking GAP

 

So my eyes are rolling around in my head.. and my teeth are (of course) tingling.. and I'm wandering around the mall and my Mom is trying to talk to me, and  of course, I can't hear  her... and she's like (very Jewily) "ETHAN, I'm taking you to the DOCTOR, RIGHT NOW".... and I was like "No Ma, you don't need to.. my ears are just bothering me"

 

So we finish our clothes shopping.. and we go  home, and my father has the sports thingy on TV... and he's shaking his  head....

 

.. and I'm like "Dad what's going on?"

 

and he is shaking his finger at the screen and says "What a  STUPID MOTHERFUCKER  that Len Bias is"

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Len_Bias

 

So I'm like "Who the hell is Len Bias?"

 

So Dad goes, "fucking basketball start at Univ of Maryland, Got drafted in 2nd  round by the Boston Celtics....

 

(and then, most tellingly...)

 

"HE JUST DROPPED DEAD IN HIS DORM ROOM FROM A COCAINE OVERDOSE".....

 

I was this neurotic, only child Jewish Kid... who listened to punk rock, and The Smiths in his room...

 

I had just done coke... off an Iron Maiden album cover

 

my Mom dragged me to the Woodbridge Mall

 

and then Len Fucking Bias, college basketball star.... drops dead of a overdose, in his fucking dorm room!

 

Great short story, right?